Sloward Motion part 1

something that has been on my heart lately is simplicity.  i have often thought about how to simplify my life, in order to create space for what really matters- friends, family, community, God, myself, exercise, sleep, and staring out windows for hours on end.  it is something that i have talked to others about, and even taught on, but something that continues to evade me.  

why is life so complicated?  why is it so hard to say no?  why can't i seem to prioritize my life and give time to what's most important?  if someone were to ask me what i value the most in life, then i would spout off the things stated earlier.  but as i examen my life, it is evident to me and probably a few friends that i don't structure my life around these things.  

someone much wiser then me once said that the external realities of our lives- the make up of our days, how our cars look on the inside, how many activities we are rushing too- all of these things are a reflection into our souls and our internal worlds.  if there is chaos on the outside, then there must be chaos on the inside.  we become aware of this chaos best when we just slow down and are still for a moment.  i went camping this weekend with some friends and it went well.  we got to our destination and unpacked our gear.  we made fires.  we cooked food.  we chopped wood.  then we stopped our movements and sat still.  we became spectators of our fire; participants in the solitude around us.  the lack of noise and activity was deafening.  is it not funny how loud silence can be?  i almost could not take it.  i had to move.  i was entering into space that was foreign to me.  space that was not cluttered with activities and motions.  it was hard but liberating.

here in lies the true questions at hand: 

how do we live our lives at a pace that is realistic and give time to what matters most to us?

how do we find our rhythm that helps us reach our full potential as human beings?

how do we slow down enough to hear God and hear each other?  

thoughts...

Coming Home

Well friends, my journey is coming to an end.  We are in Dublin right now and we decided to by pass England, because it is so expensive, and just fly home a little early.  In Dublin, we have been staying with our new friends Omar and Hedi.  They are great people- very nice and really Irish.

It has been a crazy trip since my last post in the Netherlands.  We ended up taking a train south to Belgium and stayed in a little medieval town by the name of Brogue.  Brogue is a very beautiful place with amazing sites.  It's really small so you can walk around it in  a fairly short time.

For there we went even further south to stay at Taize, a monastery in the south of France.  Taize was an amazing experience for me.  I had been there before, around 4 years ago, but much has chance in that short time.  We were at Taize for about 2 and a 1/2 weeks, one of the weeks be spent in complete silence.  

After that, we went north to Paris and meet up with some friends from Michigan.  We spent a few days in Paris seeing the sights- my favorite being the Louvre by far.

After Paris we headed over to Northern Ireland to a little town outside of Belfast called Kilkeel.  My friend Megan is staying here doing youth ministry.  Kilkeel is a lovely town full of very nice people. 

And now, we are currently in Dublin searching for Bono.  

All is well with me.  This trip has been such a great trip of discovery that is hard to communicate with words.  I would love to share when I get back.  We are flying home this Tuesday and should be in Grand Rapids Tuesday night.  

Stary Night

My journey of faith has not been easy. I started walking down the path of Christianity when I was a sophomore in high school. Before that I never went to church, read the Bible, or spoke to God really in any form. When I finally started to actually walk down this path in life, I quickly found that the road was not smooth, but full of bumps, pits, and patches of darkness. Faith my friends, has been one of the hardest things for me to embrace.

Over the past few years in college, God's presence has been really vague in my life (for lack of better words). The struggle of life, the pains of life, the brokenness of humanity have been extremely close- but God, he has seemed distance, especially when I thought I needed him the most. However, I am learning some different things on this trip. You see, on this trip I have had tons of time to reflect and do nothing. Being taken out of my routine like this, where I have nothing to do really, has caused me to actually sit and start to think. This posture has not come easy. For the first month of traveling I have spent the majority of my time worrying about finances, what I am going to do when I get back, and where I will go next. However, I am just beginning to enter into the beauty and simplicity of being ushered out of the normality of my life and entering into a new state of peace and rest.

Like most humans, it comes easy for me to blame God for what is going wrong in the world, as well as in my life. When bad things happen, rather then running to God, I lash out against God and ask him why things are the way they are. I think that this can be healthy at times (read the Psalms). But by staying with this mindset, I can also be blinded to what God is actually doing. Over the past four years, I have struggled with pride, which has manifested itself in my life through jealousy. I am learning that I want to be the best at things- the smartest, the most loved, the best at what I want to do. It has often caused me to be jealous of other people who are passionate about similar things. I will feel that they are "better" then me at something, and then an extreme feeling of jealousy will arise deep within me that chokes out my passion for life. This jealousy, or pride, has sadly been directed towards my closest friends. Once this happens, I tend to push these people who I love so dearly away. Many of you reading this have probably felt the brunt end of this- though you might not have realized it. It has been something, amongst other things, that has weighed me down for quite some time now. Rather then bringing it to God, I have often blamed him for it. Why doesn't he fix it? If it is holding me back from serving him, why won't he just get rid of it? These have often been thoughts that run through my head.

Last night I spent some time looking at the starts. So much, that I started to get a neck cramp; I might be permanently damaged from this. The stars are so bright up here in the country side of the Netherlands; way up in the North away from the big cities. As I was looking at the beauty, the vastness, the majesty, it started to dawn on me that rather then blame God for all the problems, why don't I run to him and trust him with the problems. I always thought that I had to fix them myself. I am learning more and more that I have problems that are beyond my ability to fix. Many of you also have problems that are beyond your ability to fix- maybe you have spent most of your time blaming rather then coming to God as well. I guess what I am trying to say is that life is short, really short, and we live in a world full of brokenness and hurt, but also full of much beauty and love. The problems are way too big for us, but not too big for God. I don't mean to sound religious or anything, this is just what I have been feeling lately. Hopefully it sticks because it kind of gives me a sense of hope. Life is too short to be pissed off and playing the blame game.

I went for a run this morning in the country side and I was surprised at how peaceful it was. I love those moments where I seem to stumble upon a truth that is so beautiful, it causes me to drop everything and just embrace it. I guess what I am trying to say through this whole post, is that God is not that hard to find. He's right there, we are just too busy to see him. If we slow down, if not just for a moment, and open our eyes, then I bet we would see something- I'm seeing something.

Being Naked

Today we are heading to this medieval town four hours south of Prague called Cesky Krumlov. It is a town out of a dream or movie, from what I hear. Really small and very magical; you can walk across the town in 10 minutes, no joke. We have been in Prague for about 4 nights so far and it has been a riot. I am meeting tons of really cool people. There is this Scottish guy who is very Scottish. He is like the guru of the Hostel. He is 35 and always seems to have wise words to say. We were at a pub the other night and I asked him what the meaning of life was, kind of half jokingly, and he ended up going off for about a half hour on his thoughts. It boiled down to being truthful with yourself and with others. I think he is on to something, but it is a something that is almost impossible with humans at time. I find being truthful with myself, with others, and even with God, to be very hard. For some reason we like to conceal the truth. Maybe it is out of fear of what people might think of us when they discover what is really going on inside. Maybe it is a pride thing- we are too proud to let people know that we don't have our lives together. Maybe it is just an ignorance thing- we were not taught growing up how to open up, so as a result we do not know how to be real. What ever the case, I know that being truthful is a hard thing, and it's something that does not come easily to me. I have spent that past four years only being truthful to a few select people. This isn't bad I feel. We are not suppose to open up to everyone or anyone; there needs to be boundaries and we need to be selective. However, I know for a fact that I should have opened up to more people then I did. When asked how I was doing, I would almost automatically say I'm doing fine, when in reality, something was bothering me. Part of me was afraid to be truthful because I had feelings that I did not know how to explain or put to words; many of you probably know this feeling well. Part of me was just scared what people might think of me if I was honest about my doubts and struggles. Plus, I didn't want to be the consistent downer. However, I am learning that being open and honest can be a freeing thing, and it is vital for getting through life and struggles. The verse about carrying each other burdens is coming to my mind; Galatians I think. I hope that on this trip I can learn to be more honest with people and get in the routine of practicing this when I come back. Being naked with each other is what I like to call it. So if you see me, ask me how I am really doing, and try to see if I am bs'ing or not. These are just some food for thoughts. Keep it real and in the words of a Scottish man spoken from a dingy dark pub in Praha, be truthful with yourself and with others.

Poland to Prague

Poland to Prague Poland is probably our favorite place as of yet. Krakow is an amazing little down that is centered around probably the most amazing cathedral I have ever seen. I think there is something majestic, something even reverent, about having a church that is sort of decked out. That means that the Reformers kind of messed up when they decided that Icons were of the devil and that churches should be as boring as a Michael W Smith concert. If you like MWS, I am sorry to offend. This is just my opinion. We meant some crazy Brazilian guys who were spitting images of Jay and Silent Bob. We hung out with them for a night and enjoyed ourselves. We also spent a day at Auswitch- a Nazi concentration camp where over 1 million Jews were brutally murdered. Words can not explain the experience that I had here. There were moments where I was sick to my stomach. Seeing the barracks, the places were innocent Jews were slaughtered, and the history behind it all was one of the most powerful things I have ever experienced in my long 22 years of life. Being at the camp caused me to think a ton about life and the problem of evil? I am still pondering this question so I don't really have any thoughts as of now to post. It's just crazy that humans can do such horrible things to other human beings, and then think they are justified in doing so. Maybe you have some thoughts on this topic?

From there we took a train and yesterday we arrived in Prague. Prague is a huge place! I mean huge!! I can not believe how big it is. Our hostel is a pretty crazy place as well. There are tons of people here. Phil and I meant a guy from Texas and a guy from LA the other day. We kind of had our little US crew, reminiscing about stuff like In-n-Out and Taco Bell. I was also talking to a girl from Australia about communism and how it would be the best political structure for any country to adopt. Being that I don't know much about communism, I just asked a ton of questions and tried to understand her insanity. Today we will be going the Communist Museum and then tomorrow we are probably going to the Prague Castle. We will be here for about 8 days and then we will head out to Amsterdam to tour the Netherlands for a couple of weeks.

I am doing and feeling pretty good. I still get kind of homesick at times, but I am feeling alright at the moment. I am worrying less and less about money. The worry comes and goes at time, but I quickly get over it. I have also been doing a tone of inner soul thinking...or what ever you want to call it. It's been good for me. I am learning a ton about myself, who I am, and why I do the things I do. I am also learning how to relax and be in the moment more. Pray for this journey. Pray that I can see things clearly and that God reveals stuff to me. Also pray for the usual- peace about finances, provision, houses, and good stories.

I miss you all a ton. I can't believe that it has already been a month! See you all in a few.

Bryan

PS. I am going to try to post some pictures in a bit so hold on for those

Our Craziest Day Yet

I am not use to swearing, but yesterday really sucked. It was crazy. We started out the day by waking up at 4:30 am to get to the bus station by 5:15. We did arrive on time, but our bus did not. It turned out that the bus from Budapest to Krakow (Poland) did not run on that day. So we went to another bus station and their buses did not run on that day either. From there we went to a train terminal in hopes of finding a train to Krakow...however, we went to the wrong train station. We ran to the other station and bought our tickets 4 minutes before the train was leaving. Do you know those movies where the people are running to catch a train and jump on it...well, that was really us. Then we had the amazing privilege of spending 9 hours on a train. It was cool though, we got to see the beautiful country side of Hungary and Poland. It looks a lot like MI, minus the snow.

Once we arrived at Poland, Phil, Myself, and our new crazy friend form Hungary set out to find our hostel that we had reservations for. But guess what, our hostel didn't exist. We walked around until we finally found a hostel for a reasonable price, and then we finally got some shut eye. All is well though- after a good nights sleep we set out and found a really sweet hostel where we are now at. Once again, free laundry, which is very good news. Today we are going to chill in Krakow and see the old town, and then tomorrow we are taking a tour of Auschwitz, the notorious consecration camp that is the site of the most gruesome mass murder in world history. We are planning on staying in Poland until next Tuesday, and then we are heading to Prague, which is in the Chezk Republic.

Life is good on my end. I really miss home and all of you guys, but I am definitely enjoying my time out here. The people in Europe are amazing. They are very nice and welcoming towards us. We are also meeting tons of amazing travelers like ourselves. I still have not found my future wife, but I have a long trip ahead so don't you worry. On another positive side, I am not worrying as much about money and learning to trust more. I am also learning how to live in the moment better, and not feeling all the internal pressure to journal, read, or do what ever constantly.

I have been thinking about the future a ton and what I am going to do when I get back. I still have no clear direction, but I guess I am becoming more OK with the lack of direction or clarity. I am planning on staying in MI for the summer, and then come August, I have to decide if I will continue to stay in MI or move home to California or something else- perhaps Hawaii. It will be one of the hardest things I have ever don to leave all my friends and family in MI, but I miss the ocean and my family back home. We will see. I have also been thinking about youth ministry and I am becoming more comfortable with the idea of continuing in youth ministry for the time being when I get back (not sure if this will be in a church or not), and then maybe going to seminary down the road. I am not in a huge rush get back to school- school is where my faith was almost destroyed, but that's another story for another time.

Keep on praying for peace and good times. Don't pray for any more adventure though, I think I have had enough of that for a life time...jkd. Also pray for the usual- finances, food, weird people, and housing- continual provision, and ruthless trust on our part.

I love and miss you all,
Bryan

Budapest, Hungary

Well today we arrived in Easter Europe at Budapest which is in Hungary...and we were quite hungary...ha...thats a funny pun. We were quite ready to leave Rome. Our hostel there, the Freestyle Hostel, was a party hostel so Phil and I did not get much sleep bc it was so noisy. We did however meet a ton of cool people and now have new friends. I meet this cool Ausie guy named Paul who has been living in Poland for the past 6 months. We might catch up with him for Aussie day on Jan 26 in Warsaw.

Rome was a pretty cool city. There is so much history. On the day before we left we went to a church that sapposely has the chains that were on Saint Peter. We also saw the Vaticin, the Collesum, the Patheon, and some other cool stuff. On our last day a lady tried to pick pocket me. I felt bad bc here daughter was there and I kind of went off on her. How cool would it have been to actually give here money or buy her food even after she tried to do that- but I didnt do that. Maybe next the time I almost get picked pocketed I will do that. I am also thinking about putting small mouse traps in my pockets- that would be funny. If that is the case, pray that I get pick pocketed.

Anyways, we are now in Budapest Hungary. I am really excited about this place. Eastern Europe is so chill, and way cheaper then Wester Europe. There also seems to be so much more history and tradition out here. We are not sure what to do in Budapest, but I am sure we will find something out. Let me know if you have any suggestions. We are staying in this really cool hostel that is so chill. Already the people seem really nice. There is much more space here and they actually have a laundray service for about 4 Euros- thats really good news for me. We are going to tink around this side of the content for a few weeks and end in Prague, where we will fly out to Amsterdam.

I am not really sure what God is teaching me. It has been hard to pray and read the Bible. I have all these things that I feel like I should be doing- like praying, or reading scripture, or journaling- and if I don't do one, I feel a ton of anxiety. This is a lot of pressure to carry around all day. Every time I have free time, I feel like I should be filling it with one of these things. I just feel like my relationship with Him has been all performanced based, me doing things, and not very relational. I dont want morality, I don't want religion, I want a relationship. If you know me you will understand where my heart is on this. I still miss home but this sickness is gradually going away with every new place we go to. I also still worry a little about finances, but it all seems to be working out.

Pray for peace for me. I am learning that I am a really anxious person who stresses out about things. Also pray in whatever way you feel after reading the above paragraph. And then the usual, health, finances, food, housing, ruthless trust on our part- just continual provision.

I miss and love you all. Thanks for everything. I am greatful for the blessings that you have all been. I am sorry if I ever had taken advantage of that, and if I didn't say it enough, thank you!!!

Much Love,
BC

ps. the spell check does not work on this computer so I may have spelled a ton of things wrong.